Confessions of a Fence Hopper….After The Grass Has Died

Ok, so the other day I wrote a post entitled “When the Grass looks Greener” about people in relationships who assume that there is always going to be someone better out there than who they have at home. I added in there that there are some situations where the grass may indeed be greener and I have an admitted fence hopper on today’s post who, after some prodding and persuading, agreed to give me her side.

Her story is a bit different in that she’s past the he-makes-me-happy-but-I-wonder-if-I’d-be-happier-with-someone-else case. In her situation, she’s officially unhappy and in a toxic relationship. The other side of the fence is anywhere he isn’t.

So, what happens when you go beyond that point?  When you’re no longer happy and wondering if there’s something better out there and instead you’re discontent and you know that this can’t be life? Do you stick around and try to work shit out some more? Or do you grab your pole thingy  I don’t know what the hell it’s called and I’m too lazy to Google it right now) and vault over the fence to greener pastures?

Well, I’ll let her tell it:

Hi, my name is Yaya and I’m a Fence Hopper (I swear that’s not a euphemism for whore).  Allow me to elaborate nshit. I was in a relationship & the grass was Definitely greener on the other side. Did I meet a new person? NO. Did he cheat? Nope (not that I know of). When I looked on the other side of the fence I saw myself being so much more happier… Alone :-O.  When I seen that I hauled ass to that fence & did a diving somersault to the other side. *sticks dismount*.In the past I could Only see myself marrying him. No one else mattered. He was my Everything. He was Always put 1st w/ No questions asked. I realized I slowly began to be put 2nd, then 3rd… Then 10th. So we talked about it & things got better & then they fell apart. So we talked about it & it got better & then it fell apart. Soooo we talked about it -_-. The monotonous cycle pushed me away & I didn’t look @ him the same. The grass on my side of the fence was dead & the other side looked so peaceful & serene.

I started to feel alone so why not be alone? Alone ≠ Lonely. Lonely is a state of Mind. There was no reason for me to keep putting my 100% into someone when they were giving me 25%.

It was time for “The Talk”. You know what I’m talking about. The “Its me, not you” talk. As far as I was concerned it wasn’t me, but I was willing to take all of the blame to end it. Of course he thought marriage and a ring would solve all of our issues *rolls eyes*.  NO thank you. I wanted OUT & that’s exactly what happened. That fence didn’t stand a chance nshit.

What it all came down to was I was happier when he wasn’t around me. Everything I used to do for him Stopped. I stopped calling & texting. There was no cooking or sex.  I didn’t care where he was, who he was with, or if he was even ok (fuckin terrible). If you were around me during this fence hopping (break-up) you would’ve thought I just got engaged. Words can’t explain how happy I am.

What I can’t understand though, is why he tried to do a 180° after it was over. He feels like he has something to prove to me nshit. Well my mind is made up & I’m loving this side of the fence. *sips thug cola through a crazy straw*

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When The Grass Looks Greener…

 

Let me lay out the scenario for you:

You’re sitting there looking at your significant other, thinking about all the shit that pisses you off about them. The way they chew, how they leave their shit all over the crib, how she can’t cook nshit. You may be a few years into your relationship and lately things have become stagnant. You don’t dislike them anymore you just wish they didn’t do the shit they did sometimes. So, you start to think…

I bet I could find someone who didn’t do all this shit that irks me. Bet she’d chew nice and quiet and be super organized and cook three course meals every night. Yea…that sounds nice.

So you assume that the grass is indeed greener on the other side and hop the fucking fence. You get there and yea, shit is looking sweet. You got that new pussy person feeling going and you get lost in that shit. Until you look around and realize that this bitch is worse than the one you just left. She might not do the annoying shit your old boo did but her flaws are even worse. She snores like a fucking 300lb man every night, she’s addicted to reality T.V. and won’t watch anything else and she’s allergic to fried chicken. Hey, it’s possible. You get my point nshit. Shit’s fucked up in this bitch’s yard.

So now what? You just made the mistake a lot of people make and assume that there’s always something better out there than what you have at home. Granted, I’m sure there are situations where this is true but I’m not talking about people who are in truly fucked up relationships. I’m speaking to those that go through normal relationship shit and start to wonder if they’re settling for less.

If you’re with someone but you’re constantly wondering if they’re really the right person for you because there might be something better out there, just stop looking and ask yourself these questions and answer honestly:

1. Does your significant other make you happy?

If the sight of them makes you roll your eyes and you dread going home every night then you should re-evaluate shit and find out why. If they no longer make you smile and you have no desire to make THEM happy then by all means roll out.

2. Can you see yourself marrying this person?

Yes or no question. Pretty self-explanatory but, if you’re still out there looking on the side, your answer might be biased.

3. Have they changed for the worst since you first met them?

I don’t mean they stopped cooking for you every single day or they don’t wear as much sexy lingerie as they used to. I mean have their values or morals changed? Do they still want the same things out of life? Are they still the person, inside, that you met and fell in love with?

If you can answer yes, yes and no to these then why are you still looking? Everything else is just shit you deal with in a relationship. The things you thought were cute and funny in the beginning might end up being less cute and funny five years later. That doesn’t mean you should be looking for a replacement.

Bottom line, everyone has their flaws. I personally have a fucked up sense of direction and can be pretty scatterbrained. If you know me you know I’m constantly misplacing and losing shit and that you can give me directions to a place one day and the very next day it’s like I’ve never been there. BOOM. I fucking forgot.That’s me though and it comes with the package. I’m sure…no..I know…it pisses my s/o at times but that’s shit you deal with when you want to be with someone. You gotta want them flaws and all. Aint that a Beyonce song or some shit? Anyway…

Just keep in mind that while that new person might seem so appealing and worthwhile in the beginning  you might come to find that their flaws are 10x worse than the person you left them for and by then it’s too late to hop back over that fence..or she may have a new gardener, or he’s trimming someone else’s bush now…or..ok you get the point with all the garden metaphors.

I will say this though. If you do decide to leave one for another then just do it. Don’t test the waters while you’re still with that person unless you plan on telling them and give them the opportunity to do the same. Don’t keep them in the dark thinking shit is sweet and everything is apple pies and cool whip topping. You won’t make shit better by cheating…that..is a whole ‘nother topic though..

Love the one you’re with. Luther.

 

 


 

 

 

 

What do you mean you can’t make Kool-aid?!?

Just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. Cuz that’s my fun day. Good Morning and beginning of the work week (for those of you with jobs). Let’s not waste any time and jump right into it…

The other day I was watching a show called Baggage on GSN. If you haven’t seen it the show basically consists of a contestant being set up with a date out of three possible choices. They whittle down who their final choice will be based on the contenders “baggage”. Three suitcases that reveal something about themselves that’s either weird as shit, embarrassing, crazy or downright scary. The shit these people reveal on t.v is insane. I mean, the other day this chicks biggest baggage was ” I like to worship the devil”. Seriously. She said that shit AND was explaining why. His other choice rounded off her baggage set with ” My va-jay-jay is stitched shut. Literally!” 

Soooo which one do you think he chose?…..

The chick with the stitched up snatch.

He’d rather undo some stitches than sit around a pentagram invoking dark spirits. I don’t blame him. Everyone has deal breakers that rule out potential mates. Shit you just don’t want to deal with period.

Some people won’t date a person with kids, others say they won’t date someone based on their skin tone. Whatever floats your boat.

I personally won’t date someone who doesn’t eat fried chicken, can’t make me laugh, wears Jesus sandals, has a fucked up laugh, doesn’t eat rice, can’t make Kool-Aid and owns/would own cats. Those are just a few.

I think they’re reasonable and also exclude white people.  I don’t trust anyone that can’t make Kool-Aid and I eat too much rice to be with a non-rice eater. 

Thank God I’m off the market and no longer have to worry about these things but to all my single folk out there still searching, non-single folk can chime in too, what are/were your deal breakers? Are they negotiable? Do you have any weird ones that people say “huh?” too? Are you still single because you have crazy ones? Sound off nshit…inquiring minds would like to know.

Why I No Longer like Drake

Ok, I won’t say I completely dislike him. “A Night Off” does have a special place in my heart and shit.

*sings* Spending every moment in the studiooooo, I’d never said it be faaaaaair..but when you’re all alone I hope you truly knooowww how bad I wanna be theeereeeee..

Were you singing along? Cuz I was really singing as I typed it.

Anyway, I know have no respect for him as an artist whatsoever. Why?

Three Words.

Tony Montana Remix

First let me say that the original song by Future called Tony Montana is hands down one of thee worst songs I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. It made me want to throw my laptop off the bed and run screaming. I couldn’t believe how someone could make such a bullshit ass song.

If you haven’t heard it, I’m not gonna waste time trying to find the link for you and hyperlink that shit to my site. I just won’t. Google it and shit. If you’re too lazy to Google it I’ll recap it.

The hook goes “Tony Montana…Tony Montana…Tony Montana”. Yea. It just repeats. Then he tosses in a few lines from the movie and tries to make it sound cool. It doesn’t. On one of the verses he says he’s “fresh off the banana boat”. This slightly offended me and I’m not easily offended. You can’t be black and be fresh off the banana boat B. Have a seat.

So now theres a remix. So Drake is on it. So I was like O_o <—-my actual face..One of my eyes widened and the other got smaller nshit when I heard it. You don’t believe me? Fuck you. Listen to the song and your face will do the same.

Why he decided to get on this track is beyond me. Maybe someone told him it was a good idea. Maybe he actually liked the song. Maybe he was bored. I don’t fucking know but I officially can’t fuck with him anymore. Not to mention that “Marvin’s Room” was the biggest soft core porn record I’ve heard from a rapper in quite some time. I mean it really felt as though he was on his period when he wrote that shit and he ran out of tampons in his purse. His vagina was showcased all over that shit.

*sigh* I’m not sure if Drake is a rapper or an R&B artist and I think I’m tired of him. Every song sounds the same. Every feature says the same shit. We get it Drake. You’re young, famous and rich and oh so tired of fucking random bitches. Let’s move on.

How do you feel about Drake? Like him, hate him, don’t give a fuck? Sound off nshit.

*sings* I took the night off for youuuuuuuu