How to Deal With Your Friends Ugly Kid(s)

I was going to write some fly shit this morning but since I just realized, and by just I mean like 3.5 seconds ago, it was Wednesday and not Tuesday I have to get myself together and regroup on the day. It’s not my fault, Labor Day got me all off kilter. That and all of this incessant rain. It’s like Mother Nature is saying fuck the East Coast with two middle fingers in the air.

Anyway, it’s back to school time and people are oversharing pics of their kids heading back to school in their fresh fits and kicks. I like seeing cute kids all dressed up and ready to learn some shit.

Cute kids. Just the cute ones. You see where I’m going with this?

Before you say I’m mean and that it’s not right to call kids ugly or unattractive, hear me out. If there are ugly adults, and we can all agree to that because I know I’m not the only one who sees ugly roaming the Earth, then there are ugly kids. We all know the ugly duckling story and may know some one whose played the part but that doesn’t negate the fact that they were in fact an ugly child.

I don’t mean awkward or a kid who hit puberty early or anything like that. I mean out-the-womb ugly. It’s not the kids fault but it is what it is.

Ugly kids turn into ugly adults the majority of the time and ugly people get picked on, it’s just a fact of life, so at what age is it appropriate to acknowledge it? I know no parent wants to admit they have an ugly kid. Most parents of ugly kids probably don’t even think their kid is ugly because the denial is so deep.

My friend asked me about a little girl the other day and the convo went something like this:

Ignorant ass friend: “Is she cute?”

Me: “I mean…she’s…she’s not ugly I guess.”

Ignorant ass friend: “Oh ok, so she’s an average looking kid. Like if she got hit by a car you would just be like ‘Oh, some kid is hurt’, but you wouldn’t go running out into the street.”

Me: “You’re such an asshole. Why am I your friend?”

What great convos we have.

Everyone has theirr own definition of an ugly child I guess and whether you measure it by the chance of them being resuced in a car crash or not you know they exist. So now that you know…

How do you handle your friends ugly kids?

I mean, you can’t just tell them outright, that would make you a horrible person and a worse friend. So what do you say when your friend has a baby and it looks like a grown ass unattractive man?

Here’s what I say:

If you ever hear me say any of these phrases about your child you can assume I think they aren’t cute.

1. Awwwww Look at him/her!

See what I did? You assume I’m saying look at them because they’re so gosh darn cute but I’m not. Instead it’s quite the opposite. If you say this all sweet nshit it goes over well.

2. I love that little outfit! It’s so cute!

The outfit. Not the child. It’s all about wording. Remember we’re trying to spare feelings here.

3. Awwwww (the awww part is key) he/she is something else.

They sure are.

If someone has a cute child then you can’t help (as a female anyway) to acknowledge it. You can’t help but to say they’re cute cuz who doesn’t love a cute kid? When you see a baby that is less than cute I’ll say, it stops you in your tracks and you get caught off guard like ‘Whoa, I wasn’t prepared for this.’

I don’t tell people they have cute kids when they don’t. Why? Because then as they get older your friend is going to assume you want to see every candid shot, every holiday pic or back-to-school pic of that ugly ass lil kid as they get older. I’m trying to avoid that. They’ll have enough to go through in life as it is.

My homegirl gets pictures sent to her of this little girl who I swear on everything I love looks like a little boy. There is not an ounce of femininity in that child. She gets pics sent to her constantly and being the awesome friend that she is, forwards them to me. I guess she has to share the abuse.

Again, I know people say it’s not right to call kids ugly because then you’ll have an ugly child and to that I say chile please. I’m not superstitious nor do I believe that because I happen to think someone’s kid is not cute that I’ll be cursed with ugly kids. The proof is in the pudding as I happen to have a child and she happens to not be ugly.

Besides, I don’t call ugly kids ugly to their or their parents face. Im not THAT mean and I don’t know many adults that would do that. I will however compliment them in an indirect way.

Sooooooo, what about you? How do you deal with that friend with the ugly kid?  Have you ever told someone their child wasn’t cute? Or do you spare their feelings and save friendships like me? I’m curious to know.

23 responses

  1. Because then as they get older your friend is going to assume you want to see every candid shot, every holiday pic or back-to-school pic of that ugly ass lil kid as they get older. I’m trying to avoid that.

    Funniest shit ever said. Lmfao!

  2. LMAO LMAO LMAO~!~! ok so i was JSUT saying this morning that all im seeing is a bunch of kid pics with their new school clothes and ish~! boom~
    ok so ANYWAYS!!! i DEF do that~! the “awwww looook at her(or him) ALL the time~! im so guilty! lol i never tell a kid or their parent that their kid is ugly.. lol NEVER… this post was funny!!
    and yeah liek stop sending me the Easter pics and the valentines day pics with the hearts that are big and as ugly as the kid is….ya know this wasnt very nice of me but leave it to Yamz to let it be known and to say what other ppl want to say…BOOM peace out hoes! (not really hoes…for those who dont knoe me dont take that personal ok) ok bye! (or u can…i really dont care) sike yes i do..IM PLAYING PEOPLE!

  3. I can so relate to this. Growing up, people admitted to my face that I was an ugly kid (sadly, even my parents and relatives) while everyone ogled at my very cute and adorable younger sister, Aileen. Fortunately, I grew up to be a very beautiful adult and the older I get, the better I look. People who have not seen me in years are shock. Of course, my sister is still pretty, but I am much prettier now compared to her.

    So there is hope for the ugly kids after all ;-)

    • That’s messed up that your parents called you ugly! That’s why I say wait till someone is an adult to see if the ugly sticks lol. Thanx for the comment = )

  4. welp, I can relate cause I grew up looking like a little boy with long hair named Rico. lmaoO good thing I grew up to be a swan :)

    oh yeah and I am hella late… just getting on here readin all your blogs! reaady to leave work.

  5. LMAO at this article! So true I have a friend whos kid looks like a cross between frankenstein and a caveman…his forehead his INSANE! and hes a lil bad a*s which makes it even worse. She constantly sends pics of him and actually tried to get him into one of those mall modeling searches lol.
    I cannot lie n call a kid cute when they arent…sorry
    I try to say’bless his/her heart’ or point out something nice if possible.

  6. Haha this was hilarious. My ex-boyfriend’s daughter was ugly. I tried to say she was cute at first. However, she was a total brat, so I couldn’t lie anymore. It’s like this comedian said on BET, you don’t have the patience for ugly kids like you do with cute ones.

  7. I guess I’m a little late on replying, but my husband’s daughter (my step daughter) is not cute, wasn’t a cute baby (I saw the pics), and is now a teen. The ugly is sticking. I think he knows it but feels bad about it. That’s what he gets for getting a fug pregnant.

  8. Pingback: brilliant read! How to Deal With Your Friends Ugly Kid(s) | When is enough, enough

  9. I hate my friends ugly kid. Everytime I get left babysitting it I make sure it has a dull, boring, unenjoyable (but safe) time. I’m preparing it for the cruel realities of the real world. It should be thankful. God damn I hate children esp ugly ones

  10. I know this is an old post but I felt the need to google “I don’t want pictures of your ugly ass kid” and this blog was like 3 pages over on google and let me just go ahead and click the “co-sign” button on this post. I recently had my first child. A beautiful baby girl (and not the “beautiful” baby girl of a mother in severe denial, my child is genuinely beautiful. Like, people stop me and shit to tell me how beautiful my baby is. Their words exactly: “Oh my God, your baby is so gorgeous.”) Yeah. I know. My kid got the genetic lottery with my caramel colored skin, her dad’s blue eyes, and a head full of jet black hair. Be that as it may, I don’t post pics of my kid on social media for personal reasons. Mostly because I don’t want strangers on the web looking at my baby, but also because I think parents SEVERELY underestimate just how little of any shits other people care about their kids…especially the ugly ass, Lord of the Rings, Gollum lookin’ ones. For instance, my mother in law insists, absolutely INSISTS on sending me pictures of her other grand baby, (my husband’s brother’s baby) and it’s starting to grate. Mostly because I don’t send unsolicited photos of my baby to people, much less unsolicited photos of OTHER PEOPLE’S babies to people. Yes, this baby is technically my niece, but this is the thing…it’s…not entirely hideous, but it’s just not that cute. It’s got a giant ass head and has a few sprigs of hair on it even though it’s damn near 2. I mean this baby isn’t just horrifyingly ugly, but the problem I suppose cones from the fact that I can’t look at it without thinking about Stewie from family guy….it’s head is That. Fucking. Huge. What’s more ironic is that I doubt she sends pictures of my baby to my brother and sister in law because why would you innundate people’s message inbox with pictures of a cute kid? That’s just insanity!

  11. I WAS once average, or worse, and am now handsome. Here are some tips from the good looking
    to the not so blessed, from someone who has seen both sides- Since I was an ugly duckling, I know the inside story, and it isnt very pretty—–

    There are very cute kids that grow up ugly, and ugly kids who become good looking. Some lucky people are very good looking as kids and adults, but it is rare.
    There is a fair amount of envornmental influence. Rich kids are more likely to have clean, stress free envornments which can lead to better skin, etc. Poverty is a risk factor for stress, dirt, mouth breathing, etc.

    I was an average but weird looking kid, and told I was ugly. In my late teens I became “alright”, with an odd face but very good build. Got me some B list chicks, or maybe a date or two with an A lister.
    As a middle aged guy who stayed in shape, I am now “handsome”. The salt and pepper hair and the features just sort of came out good, at like 40. Take a look at some high school pics of handsome actors, It happens. I have learned a few things about good looking people I didn’t know. For example_ HERE ARE SOME SECRETS:

    1. They talk about you– when I am alone with other good looking people they say stuff, like “we can do this or that, or we can get away with this” . “Isnt it too bad about him or her, the way they look” . Like if you are good at a sport and a guy who sucks is not around people will talk about it. It’s a “wink wink” nudge that good looking people do . If people ever stop talking real quick when you walk up, this is why. Sometimes, this leads to sex with each other. They say 25 percent of kids are fathered by guys not their legal “Dad”, this is why.

    2, You get waited on faster, and people say “sir” with respect.

    3. People say you look like various movie actors., ALL THE TIME, even if you dont.

    4. EVERYBODY from the gal at the deli to total strangers just say it. I used to hear it from like, my mother, which doesnt count, or maybe a really old lady. Once it became true though, you hear it more off the cuff, like grudgfully “he is good looking”, or “the one over by the handsome guy”

    5 Patronizing comments like “its not what you look like , but how smart you are that counts”. Or “beauty is only skin deep” stop completely when you are good looking. Also, “looks are not important” is said in only two situtations a. BY an ugly, or TO an ugly. Since I turned I haveNEVER HEard it again.

    Tip- as an x not good looking person, if you ARE and you know it, the best thing you can do is NEVER, acknowledge it . It’s like going to Harvard, NEVER say the name of the school. “The College ” will do.
    I know this chick , pretty face, bad body, who once a little tipsy said “oh, just being pretty”. I instatly lost all respect for her. It may not have been so bad, except she is a fat chick too, so it just seemed somehow to abuse the power. I mean like , yea , you can take your pointy nose and square chin and GET OUT cause you are not attractive anyway. It just made her seem pathetic, because only looser guys want to do her anyway.

    This is where men and women vary, women like a good face with bad body, if it is not REALLY bad and he has some bucks. Guys are the opposite, a concited girl with a pretty face and poor build is pretty worthless. I dont mean it in a bad way, I just mean, from the sexual turn on standpoint. Some of these gals have a poor body but “a wonderful personality” (wink wink) .Thats why women dont understand Uma Thruman Vs. Jeanne Garafilo standoff, guys do.

    The other thing is, you become a lot more SECURE when you are good looking. I used to always look in the mirror out of the corner of my eye when I passed a mirror, worried about my FACE. ONce it changed to a handsome one, I didnt have to worry about it. like taking a pebble out of your shoe. People can insult you or put you down when you are an “ugly” just by a joke about your nose or skin or whatever is bad. Once that is gone, it is lke coming in from the cold, and I mean from like sub zero Chicago into 70 degree by the crackling fire deal.

    So if a good looking person ever tells you “beauty is over rated” They are either extreamly stupid, or extreamly MEAN, and if the ladder they are patronizing you like a muthafer, so dont let them get away with it. Pull out the big guns and hit them with that inside dirt about them, Im sure they have it nobdy is perfect , so they must have some. Dont worry about hurting their feelings, I can tell you from experiance THEY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THEY ARE DOING.

    Hope that helps , and remeber, there is more to life than looks. But that is in other parts of the world and you live in America, superfcial, vain, America. Home of the free, brave, happy, IF you are good looking.

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