The Idiot At My Job: Giving Gifts

So, my birthday was on the 12th and this is the conversation I had with the idiot at my job that Wednesday:


Me: You do know that I’m like 3 ft away from you right?


-Apparently her inside voice is broken or something-

Me: I don’t know. Not sure yet if I’m coming in to work or not. Can you take it down a notch? You’re giving me a headache.

Idiot: ARE YOU coming into work?

Me: You don’t listen very well do you?

Idiot: Well, I know we used to have a fund where we’d have money to do stuff for people’s birthday and stuff.  I don’t know whatever happened to that. Didn’t we used to have like a dinner or get hoagies or something?

Me: Unless you plan on buying me ice cream cake I won’t be here.

Idiot: I can bake you a cake!!!!!

Me: No.

Idiot: Well what are you doing tomorrow?

Me *sigh* I gotta go…

Idiot: Cuz I can call you and we can go out to dinner or something. There’s this hibachi place on RT 130 that I heard is really good!!!

Me: O_o <—I actually made that face. One big eye. One little eye. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion and disgust. First of all, you don’t have my number to call me. Second, wouldn’t you assume that I was doing something with my friends or boyfriend for my birthday? Why would I go out with a coworker I don’t even like barely know? Isn’t that kind of weird? Continue reading


The Birthday Post

So first off, I’m writing this post on my iPhone WordPress app so I can’t edit it as thoroughly as I want to i.e. grey lettering.

Secondly, today is my birthday and I’ve been out and about with my big sister since like 930 am. 11am isn’t too early for wine is it? I just wanted to write a quick little something something and reflect on what it’s like to turn 28.

I don’t feel 28. I’m well aware of the fact that I’m 2 years closer to being 30 though and I thought back to when I was like 16 and what I thought I would’ve accomplished by now. I remember thinking how OLD people over 26 seemed to be and I thought to myself, “I’ll be married with kids by 26 with a house and a good job”..blah blah blah you can imagine the rest. Well I’m not married but everything else has seemed to fall into place and I can honestly say that being well on the other side of 25 isn’t so bad.

I don’t feel the sense of urgency a lot of women feel to be married nor do I wish I was 22 again. I’m happy with being 28 and feel blessed to be where I am in life.

I don’t give a fuck about being almost 30. That’s what most people have been saying to me when I say I’m 28. “ALMOST 30 HUH?!”

Yep…almost 30 and not giving a fuck. I realize most people, well women cuz I don’t think men give a fuck, only make such a big fuss over reaching 30, then 35, then 40 etc because they aren’t where they thought they’d be. They have this theoretical milestone timeline that they feel they must keep up with and believe they’ve failed if they fall behind schedule.

Well, I have no timeline. I’m 28 today and I’m taking it one day at a time, just enjoying every day I have with loved ones and friends. I say don’t stress over society’s timeframe for when you should have kids or be married or buy a house nshit and live your life. It’ll happen. Unless you’re undatable or a bitch but that’s another post.

Resolutions That Don’t Mean Shit

Happy New Year and all that jazz. How are things working out with your New Year Resolutions? Broken them yet? I’m getting a late start because well, I’m not really a New Year resolution person. I never really got the point of waiting until a new year to commit to changing something in your life that was fucked up all year long. Like if you’re fat as fuck in April, why wait until the following January to say “Hey, I’m tired of being fat as shit. I’m going to go to a gym and lose some of this shit.” I mean wouldn’t you want a head start? The only thing that you’re really doing is giving yourself more time to get even fatter as shit and then come January you’ll have  more weight to lose. Besides, I’m sure the regular gym goers can’t stand to see all the fat asses pouring in to the gym in January.

I say New Year resolutions should be little things that you want to do differently and not shit like quit smoking, or stop cheating on your partner. Let’s be real, none of that shit is going to last anyway. So, I have some pretty random resolutions I’m making that if I happen not to keep, which I’m sure I won’t, it won’t be life altering. But good luck with the getting skinny thing.

1. Do my laundry before it’s spilling out of my hamper onto the floor.

My mother raised me better than that and she’d be appalled at how I let my laundry accumulate.

2. Cook more shit with vegetables in it.

Not for me. I hate them, but the other two people in my household can’t seem to get enough.

3. Be more productive at work. Continue reading

2011 in Review

The stats helper monkeys prepared a 2011 annual report for this blog. In lie of a regular post today and because it was my first day back at work after 3 weeks off and I was busy returning 174 unread e-mails and 16 voicemails, I’m sharing my year in review which really kicked off the latter part of the year. Check it out and thanx for the views and referrals and comments nshit. I’ll be back to normal tomorrow. 

..who knew I had viewers in PaPa New Guinea? Cool. 

Here’s an excerpt:

A New York City subway train holds 1,200 people. This blog was viewed about 6,600 times in 2011. If it were a NYC subway train, it would take about 6 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.