America: Home of the Brave, Land of the Lazy

I’m convinced that we as Americans have to be some of the laziest fucking people on the planet. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having things that make life convenient. After all, God knows I’m grateful to whoever invented the remote control and pre-sliced bread. There are however, a plethora of things I keep saying that always makes me say “Who the fuck is that lazy?”. 

Yesterday my coworker told me that there were now pajama jeans for men and I couldn’t believe it. So what does any normal person do when they want to validate a claim and get factual answers? They Google it. Imagine my surprise when I found these babies:

Why yes, I am a douche bag

Snazzy aye? These are actually a rip off of the Pajama Jeans brand that I’m sure many of you have seen in the infomercial. They’re called “Knit Jean Lounge Pants” and  apparently are a hot seller because they are completely sold out on the website! Who in the fuck is buying these?? But wait…it gets even better. If you don’t want the douchebag, distressed, it looks like you’ve been slashed at by Freddie Kruger style then maybe these are the ones for you:

You like how it hangs below his boxers? Well that’s the beauty of these here fucktard jeans. The boxers aren’t actually boxers! They’re part of the pants! *falls out of chair laughing* I  wish I would see someone walking around with built in boxers. Even around the house these are a no go. Also, notice how the models are fit, attractive guys? We all know the fuckers that are scooping these pants up look more like this: 

I’m all about being comfortable. Lord knows I’d wear sweatpants more often than jeans if I could get away with it but these are more than a fashion faux pax. The just scream lazy. Why do you need pajamas that look like jeans? So you can go out in public without having the hassle of putting jeans on? 

I love how every infomercial makes it seem like mundane tasks are just too much to bear. Like having a cluttered purse is taking over your life so you need the Buxton Organizer to save you. As if any woman with an iota of fashion sense is going to be carrying this piece of shit around. 

Fuck yea, a knapsack for my tampons and my map in case I get lost in the park.

Or how about the foot scrubber? I mean we all know how hard it is to wash your feet in the shower right? Where would we be without this shit?:

Finally! Clean feet!

I always get a kick of these As-Seen-On-TV products and even more so knowing people are really buying this shit. How lazy can you fucking be to pick your leg up and wash your foot? Or to twirl your spaghetti on your fork? Oh you haven’t heard? Yes, there is a spaghetti fucking twirler. Check it out here. Along with the self-rotating ice cream cone and you’ll never have to exert too much energy eating again. 

Where would we be without all this lazy shit and why oh why have I not invented something yet and gotten rich off  of it? Maybe an automatic helmet shaver? Nah, too bloody. I can only hope one day to come up with something so useful as the snowball maker, the bed maker, and yes even dust mop slippers

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5 responses

  1. LMFAO! I loved this. And I especially loved the pajama jeans with the built in boxers… for some reason, I knew this was coming. As if pajama jeans aren’t lazy enough, let’s have some that don’t even require proper dressing habits. PULL UP YOUR PANTS! …oh, wait. You can’t. They’re made that way. #SMFH

  2. HAAAAA…U have never lied!!! Then some wonder why they overweight, bones breaking, etc…MY THING IS HOW WAS U DOING IT BEFORE THE GADGETS N WEIRD SHYT!!! I know we all have our moments but really is it that hard to throw some jeans on esp for a guy, smh!!!

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