America: Home of the Brave, Land of the Lazy

I’m convinced that we as Americans have to be some of the laziest fucking people on the planet. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having things that make life convenient. After all, God knows I’m grateful to whoever invented the remote control and pre-sliced bread. There are however, a plethora of things I keep saying that always makes me say “Who the fuck is that lazy?”. 

Yesterday my coworker told me that there were now pajama jeans for men and I couldn’t believe it. So what does any normal person do when they want to validate a claim and get factual answers? They Google it. Imagine my surprise when I found these babies:

Why yes, I am a douche bag

Snazzy aye? These are actually a rip off of the Pajama Jeans brand that I’m sure many of you have seen in the infomercial. They’re called “Knit Jean Lounge Pants” and  apparently are a hot seller because they are completely sold out on the website! Who in the fuck is buying these?? But wait…it gets even better. If you don’t want the douchebag, distressed, it looks like you’ve been slashed at by Freddie Kruger style then maybe these are the ones for you:

Continue reading

The Idiot At My Job: Giving Gifts

So, my birthday was on the 12th and this is the conversation I had with the idiot at my job that Wednesday:

Idiot: SO YOUR BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW RIGHT?!

Me: You do know that I’m like 3 ft away from you right?

Idiot: SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?!

-Apparently her inside voice is broken or something-

Me: I don’t know. Not sure yet if I’m coming in to work or not. Can you take it down a notch? You’re giving me a headache.

Idiot: ARE YOU coming into work?

Me: You don’t listen very well do you?

Idiot: Well, I know we used to have a fund where we’d have money to do stuff for people’s birthday and stuff.  I don’t know whatever happened to that. Didn’t we used to have like a dinner or get hoagies or something?

Me: Unless you plan on buying me ice cream cake I won’t be here.

Idiot: I can bake you a cake!!!!!

Me: No.

Idiot: Well what are you doing tomorrow?

Me *sigh* I gotta go…

Idiot: Cuz I can call you and we can go out to dinner or something. There’s this hibachi place on RT 130 that I heard is really good!!!

Me: O_o <—I actually made that face. One big eye. One little eye. Eyebrows furrowed in confusion and disgust. First of all, you don’t have my number to call me. Second, wouldn’t you assume that I was doing something with my friends or boyfriend for my birthday? Why would I go out with a coworker I don’t even like barely know? Isn’t that kind of weird? Continue reading

Girlfriend vs. Wife Debate

U bitches who are just girlfriends need to stop acting like wives, these negroes come to me and expect that same bullshit. Know ya role hoe.

Ok so last night I was minding my business on Twitter when I came across this comment RT’d by @yaya3086 . I was immediately confused and responded with “But wouldnt that make U the hoe?”. This started a little back and forth with the chick who posted it. There was some name calling and all that good stuff (apparently I have a big nose and I look like Raggedy Ann and have a bad weave O_o) but I was still wondering about the original comment and some follow-ups that said:

“Who the fuck says their wifey material? Only hoodrats with week old cum stains on their dusty ass sheets.” and “All these hoes acting like wives still single though…. hell I’m confused. Soo, ur not good at being wifey huh hoe?”

You see the type of person I was dealing with right? She was a hoe. Fa sho.

That brings me to my topic. Should you act differently as a girlfriend then you would a wife? Assuming you’re in a long-term, committed relationship that is. Should I refrain from doing certain things until I get a ring? Is not the best way that a man can see you as “marriage material” to actually show him? Aren’t I asking a lot of questions?

According to this chick no one should say they are “wifey material”. Well, ummm what are you then? If you’re not the type of female that could be a man’s wife then what in thee fuck should you call yourself? I’m not fond of the term “wifey” but what it implies is that you’re the marrying type. If you don’t want to be the marrying type then are you just the girlfriend type? The fucking type? I don’t get this hoe whole philosophy.

I don’t “act” like a wife.  I just carry myself like a person in a committed relationship period. I do things to make him happy and vice versa. There is nothing I’m saving for when I have a ring on my finger. I’m not gonna start cooking pancakes every morning in stilettos and lingerie and shit. Besides, his pancakes are better than mine but don’t tell him I told you that. I got pride n shit. I guess if you’re in a relationship for like 10 + years the whole waiting around for nothing thing might apply but if you’re with someone who you love and care about I don’t see a reason to hold back on the affection or genuine care. That after all is the reason you marry them isn’t it?

Am i wrong? Is it just me? Do you think you should act differently if you’re “just a girlfriend?” Sound off and shit.

Breakfast Doesn’t Count

So, a recent twitter rant by @yaya3086 inspired me to take a certain convo off Twitter and bring it here. You can follow her if you’d like. She’s mean though so if you’re sensitive and can’t spell I’d advise against it.

Anywho, the rant started something like this:

 

I happen to agree with these statements. I mean I don’t cut grass because I’m allergic but I can start the mower up and shit. I believe that there are a shitload of females out there looking for handouts. A plethora if you will. Yea, plethora. I really like that word. So many women have a laundry list of qualities and specific things that their potential mate needs to have. I briefly touched on this in a previous post. I mean it’s perfectly fine to say what you will or won’t settle for and to have standards but if you can’t match anything that’s on your list then you need to re-evaluate it.

You want a man with a Benz and you drive a Camry?

You want a man with a six -figure job and your making around 30k a year?

You want a professional athlete? Groupie.

You want a man to cater to you and you can’t even cook? Breakfast doesn’t count.

Reevaluate. Maybe your crazy ass list is the reason you don’t have a man. You can’t expect a man to bring all these things into the relationship when all you’re carrying is a hobo bag and your outstretched hand. I blame a lot of these reality shows out there. You see all these stupid bitches who “marry-up” or are girlfriends who have high profile boyfriends and chicks want to be like them. They think, “Hey, I can be a lazy bitch and sit around and wait for a man to come sponsor me”. Good Luck. If that’s what you’re looking for in life then your issues run deeper because you feel that the only way you can be happy is with money. If that’s what makes you happy then to each his own. I can be happy in a cardboard box as long as I have my rock and my seed there with me. That’s just me.

I’m actually very curious to know what’s on some people’s “list”. What do you need your significant other to have and can you match him? If not, I say have a seat, pop open a cookbook and make yourself a catch.

A pretty face can only get you so far. Sooner or later your man is gonna get hungry and he can’t eat looks babygirl.

Sound off and shit.