Tag I’m it!

So I got WordPress tagged by Amor from Amor’s Thoughts and by Adrianna from In Search of the Silver Lining. I’m going to combine the questions because part of this is that you have to tag 11 other people in it and I don’t know 11 people to tag let alone 22. So here I go:

Here are The Rules.

  1. You must post the rules.
  2. Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and then create eleven new questions to ask the people you’ve tagged.
  3. Tag eleven people and link to them on your post.
  4. Let them know you’ve tagged them

Amor’s questions:

1. What do you think happens when you die?

 People fight over who gets your Xbox and flat screen tv.

2. Creation vs Evolution?

Creation, cuz me and J.C. are tight like that and I didn’t come from no damn tadpole monkey beast.

3. Will there ever be an end to suffering?

Nope. 

4.Do you believe in global warming?

I don’t think of it as something to believe in really. Do I think it’s happening? Yep. Will I start driving an electric car and using those re-usable grocery bags? Probably not.

5. What would be your dream job?

Believe it or not I’d love to be an English teacher. Too bad they don’t get paid shit unless you’re teaching at a university or something. I love words and reading and being a complete geek for shit like that.

6. What’s your ideal vacation spot?

At this point any fucking where. I’ve yet to go on a real vacation and I’m determined to go somewhere that isn’t the east coast sometime this decade. Preferably an island. 

7. Are you content with the choices you made in your life?

Not all of them no. I don’t think anyone is fully content with all the choices they’ve made. Have I made peace with them? Yep. You can’t change the past so there’s no reason to dwell in it. 

8. If you knew you’re going to die tomorrow, what would you do?

The cliche shit like spend time with my family. Oh and smack someone in the face really, really hard. If you’ve never smacked anyone in the face you should. It’s a great feeling. Continue reading

America: Home of the Brave, Land of the Lazy

I’m convinced that we as Americans have to be some of the laziest fucking people on the planet. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with having things that make life convenient. After all, God knows I’m grateful to whoever invented the remote control and pre-sliced bread. There are however, a plethora of things I keep saying that always makes me say “Who the fuck is that lazy?”. 

Yesterday my coworker told me that there were now pajama jeans for men and I couldn’t believe it. So what does any normal person do when they want to validate a claim and get factual answers? They Google it. Imagine my surprise when I found these babies:

Why yes, I am a douche bag

Snazzy aye? These are actually a rip off of the Pajama Jeans brand that I’m sure many of you have seen in the infomercial. They’re called “Knit Jean Lounge Pants” and  apparently are a hot seller because they are completely sold out on the website! Who in the fuck is buying these?? But wait…it gets even better. If you don’t want the douchebag, distressed, it looks like you’ve been slashed at by Freddie Kruger style then maybe these are the ones for you:

Continue reading

A Giant Case of the Mondays

Good Morning nshit. This post is going to be short mainly because I’m tired. I got maybe 3 hours total of sleep last night. Kinda sucked that I was really falling asleep when my alarm clock went off. Anyway, I’m also pretty pissed that the Patriots lost the Super Bowl. I’m not a New England Fan, I’m a Dallas fan so if you know anything about football you know I didn’t want to Giants to win. Fuck the Giants. 

Is it just me or does Eli Manning have a face that you just want to punch?

Did anyone notice how much blush Bob Costa’s was wearing?  

So not only am I tired and upset at last night’s game (and the Giants fan that found it necessary to scream G-MEN!!!! to me as I was walking into the building from like a 100 yards away) but I get to work and 2/3 of my office has called out. One is “sick” the other has “car trouble”. How fucking convenient. Oh wait, I forgot about the intern that comes here every Monday that my boss is supposed to babysit (he just walked in) but I guess I have to now since he’s out.

Here’s what the email my boss sent out to let us know he’d be out. He sent it to his boss and cc’d us:

Sir, I am feeling pretty sick this morning. It would be great if I could say it was a super bowl HO. <—I presume HO is hangover

I would like to blackberry out sick.

I do have that intern coming in today. Was going to bore him with our operations and plans.

Sir, I will keep my bb next to me if anyone needs anything.

Nothing else pressing for except the intern.

The intern smells. Like a dirty college student who does his laundry in dirty water with cheap dish detergent instead of laundry detergent. The longer he’s in the office the more the smell festers and evolves. In the morning its foul laundry and by lunchtime its an onion sandwich. By quitting time it’s like a bunch of sweaty, fat guys were fucking in the office and spraying ball juice and salami everywhere.  Continue reading

Random Things I’ll Never Understand… or Want To

Good morning. Happy Monday, although I know that’s an oxymoron for some, it isn’t for me because I was 30 minutes late to work and still managed to be the first one here. As a matter of fact, I’m the only one here and I have no clue where my four coworkers are. Anyway, as I was driving in this morning I succumbed to my usual bouts of road rage when some asshole in a MPV turned into my lane going 30mph as I was going 60mph. Never mind that there was a completely empty lane to my right reserved for minivans, handicapped persons and whoever else chooses to drive the speed limit. This idiot decided to meander in front of me and almost purposefully, at least I think it was, drive 20 miles under the limit. Why people do this shit is beyond me and it got me to thinking about other things I just cant comprehend.

#2 – Crying when celebrities die.

I know I’m not alone here yet people have tried to make me feel like some sort of cold-hearted, soul-less bitch for not crying or giving more than half a shit when a celebrity passes away. I swear I got so much grief when Michael Jackson died because everyone around me was all, “OH MY GAWD!!!! NOOOOOOO NOT MJJJJJJJ!!! JESUS WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHY BABY JESUS DID YOU TAKE THE KING OF POP?! TAKE ME INSTEAD!!!!”, and I was like “Damn, Michael Jackson died? That’s crazy.” Am I wrong? I just don’t see the purpose in crying over someone who doesn’t even know I exist or that would touch my son inappropriately if I let him spend the night at his ranch. I’m just saying. I don’t understand why people care.

#3 – Fascination with reality TV

I guess this tags along with the last one. As you can see I don’t really comprehend the fascination with celebrities or even worse, people who are famous for being famous, or famous for being with someone famous. Continue reading